“In order to go on living one must try to escape
the death involved in perfectionism.” Hannah Arendt
I’ve been trying to escape perfectionism for
some time. Whether it’s with work, finances, marriage, parenting, diet or exercise…I’ve
had destructive all-or-nothing thinking for some time. If the budget
spreadsheet isn’t filled out correctly, why even keep track? If I’ve overeaten
in any way, why not just blow the rest of the day and eat what I want?
As you can see, this is not a very productive
way to think and live. But, it’s how a lot of us try to navigate life. Little
did I (or any of us) know, it makes everything more complicated than it needs
to be. It keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from other people.
Rich and I had a conversation with good friends last month about relationships and how being open to one another and
making one another a priority can improve their marriage. They listened but we
could tell they didn’t want to hear about it. They were still so hurt by years
of living disconnected from one another they couldn’t see the benefit of
spending time rebuilding. When I thought about it later, I realized that Rich
and I wouldn’t have listened to anyone years ago either. You have to come from
the experience you’ve had...you have to be where you are and move on from there
at your own pace, in your own good time.
Chris Freytag, a fitness expert advises: “Live fully and you’ll build the confidence
you need to make positive change. Plus, we should all accept ourselves and our
flaws. Life is about learning, right?”
That’s what I’m striving to be okay with now
in all aspects of my life…just doing better than I’ve done before and learning
as I go. Learning ourselves and walking through whatever individual pain and
fear we harbor, for whatever reason, is all a part of the process. A process
that includes disconnecting from that judgy voice in your head that feeds you full
of inaccurate information, like, “you’re not good (thin, smart, rich) enough.”
Start telling yourself a more positive story and live fully, building
confidence as you go. Practice being okay where you are…wherever that is.
Sanibel Island, 2014
I was perfectly happy being where I was...
