Brene Brown - TED Talks - The Power of Vulnerability

It doesn't happen very often but it's impressive when it does. This video changed my life. I've probably heard things like it before but I've never heard the research that lead up to the conclusions. The research was validating for me - the delivery is great. I hope it affects you like it did me. I hope it catches on like wildfire. I hope it changes the world:

No One Can Do Everything

The last month has been all about imbalance. The beginning of summer was weighted heavy with travel – first to the farm, then to my father-in-law’s in Florida. These trips were followed directly by a week-long conference for work and a quick overnight trek to Kansas City. Whew! Each of these trips and even the conference were wonderful and fun and filled with experiences I treasure. Their close proximity caused work and home responsibilities to pile up to an overwhelming level. I’m still not caught up. Overwhelm quickly caught me off balance and exhaustion followed soon after.

In the midst of a busy-ness, worrying, micro-controlling, perfectionism storm, ironically, nothing is perfect. I don’t know about you, but when I allow overwhelm and exhaustion to run rampant, I start to get a little anxious. I’m “busy” all the time but actually accomplish very little. It’s been a vicious cycle this month that’s lead to overeating, inconsistent exercise, and neglect of my priorities (including this blog).

That changed this week with a couple of experiences that stopped me in my tracks. First, I slowed down and did a little reading. The following excerpt is from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly:

            I [historically don’t] “lean into discomfort,” so over time I basically became a

take-the-edge-off-aholic. But they don’t have meetings for that. And after

some brief experimenting, I learned that describing your addiction that way

in a tradition twelve-step meeting doesn’t always go over very well with the purists.

               

For me, it wasn’t just the dance halls, cold beer, and Marlboro Lights of my

youth that got out of hand – it was banana bread, chips and queso, email, work,

staying busy, incessant worrying, planning, perfectionism, and anything else that

could dull those agonizing and anxiety-fueled feelings of vulnerability.

I didn’t even give her permission to talk about me in this book. She did get a few things wrong because the dance halls, beer and cigarettes have never applied to me and I really prefer chocolate over any other guilty vice. But, I use ALL of those things after the food list to dull any feeling that gets too edgy.

The second experience was a conference call with Tony at the FAST Diet – he has these periodically. On this call he told a story about a successful business man who ran many companies. This man told him that his secret to a successful, balanced life was prioritizing the things that are important to him every day. His point was that no one can do everything...though many of us are still trying. He does things like review his schedule for the next day and block out time for those things that are important to him – like exercise or a dinner with his wife. Then, he does these things without fail. He doesn’t allow other people’s priorities to hone in on his own. He makes no excuses, he sets boundaries, he turns off his phone and does what he’s chosen to with all of his energy.

Lastly, my daughter, who was born with this same incessant perfectionism started to run with me this week. She is so self-critical – down-trodden if she doesn’t perform (at anything) to her own ridiculously high expectations. So, I took some time to read ahead in Daring Greatly to the parenting advice for helping children live wholeheartedly. I told her about what perfectionism is and how having goals is great but that no one is perfect and that she is loved because she’s Allison not because of anything she does. Period. My hope is that she’s not 45 years old and still figuring this stuff out but that when she’s 45 years old (or 15 or 25 years old) she’ll be living all-the-way. That she’ll leave worry and perfectionism behind, cultivate great relationships, take the time to do what she loves and have a healthy work life that allows her to do what really moves her – whatever that may be. I wish this for all of my children. I wish this for me. And for you.

This is day three back on track – I feel better already. I have a to-do list that’s still going on in my head. I’ll get that down on paper today. Not because I want to get it all done right away – I just want it out of my head. Our summer is already half over, so along with doing all the things that make me physically fit, my priority is to concentrate on those things that bring balance to my life:

• watch the sun rise and set
• find a great fireworks show to attend
• read
• work in my garden
• hike
• slow down and do nothing
• shut off my phone if I really don't want to be interrupted
• avoid electronics a bit
• immerse myself in summer
• look into the faces of my family and smile
• give love
• choose joy
• practice gratitude

A summer sunset right outside my front door

Healing is a Listening Art

Healing is a listening art. Whether you are a healer caring for patients or someone interested in healing yourself, you must first listen. Patients will tell you what's wrong with them if you ask the right questions...and then listen to them. Your body will tell you what it needs, too...if you pay attention and listen. In order to listen, you must be quiet, attentive and open to hearing some disappointing truths.

A couple of days ago, I sent a text to my sister, "My period makes me want to eat peanut M&Ms in direct proportion to my body weight." (probably TMI for my sister, too) Just for the record, that would be alot of freakin' M&Ms. I didn't eat that many, but I ate plenty. Yes, after 24 days without chocolate, I did THAT. I have to work on a strategy for next time.

When I woke up the next day, I had an all-too-familiar pain in my back, right between my shoulder blades. I tried to go through everything I might have done to cause it. I hadn't done anything out the ordinary...except eat alot of peanut M&Ms. So, I Googled "back pain and sugar" and came up with a theory from Applied Kinesiology claiming to have discovered decades ago that the Latisimus Dorsi muscle is related to the pancreas (where insulin is secreted to store or use sugar). When our pancreas is stressed (overloaded), these muscles go weak on both sides, causing abnormal pulling in the midback.

I have no doubt it’s true. I’ve had this happen again and again over the years – this pain in my back. I’d never quit sugar long enough at a time to definitively pinpoint it as the culprit. I know it is now and now that I know – sure, it’s disappointing, but it’s also illuminating; a concrete cause and effect example of how certain foods affect my body.

By actively listening to my body, I know I cannot eat gluten, I can only tolerate 1-2 servings of dairy daily, and I have yet to see how much chocolate/sugar my back will allow me to consume. Since this all started, it’s made me wonder how sick we’re all making ourselves – not just our guts but our entire bodies – with the things we’re choosing to put in them. And I’ve learned that just because something is labeled as “food” doesn’t mean we should eat it.

If something’s not quite right, try healing yourself. Take a good long listen. Write things down. What’s your body trying to tell you?

Photo courtesy of: Atlantic.org