On Critics and Chaos

You may have noticed distinct silence around here…crickets, echoes and such. There have been spaces like that in the past – months at a time – where I’ve let the chaos silence me and allowed others’ needs to come before my own. You do that when you’re a mother and grandmother, a wife and a daughter, a sister and a friend (even with the great joy born of these relationships) not to mention an employee and a student.

The largest contributor to the chaos right now is work. I’m in the early stages (the Pilot, actually) of starting a Wellness Program and for the first time in many years, I’m way out of my comfort zone. I proposed the program. I’ve been allowed to develop it. I’m going to school for a post-master’s certificate in Wellness and Health Promotion. I got myself exactly where I am – on purpose – and it’s exhilaratingly terrifying!

The foundation for the program was easy because I believe whole-heartedly that fixing this country’s health problems starts with prescribing the Mediterranean Diet (or something reasonably close to it), getting people purposefully exercising 150 minutes a week (or working toward it) and adapting some sort of meditation/prayer practice along with a gratitude practice daily. They need some coaching or a way to check in along the way with questions and or problems that come up.

I also believe that to be healthy, you have to use your creativity – if you can’t find time for it daily – then at least once or twice a week. Using your creativity, in whatever way you choose, allows you to recharge your batteries. It makes everything else easier. It allows you to bring your light to the world. Writing and decorating my home are the lights I bring, so I have to make time for them, fit them in with everything else, show up here – chaos or not. So do you, with yours.

I didn’t think these things up myself. I wasn’t hit by a lightning bolt of truth one day. I believe them because I’ve done the research, I’ve listened to the experts and I’ve seen their results. Nevertheless, there seem to be naysayers and nonbelievers lurking at every corner. It has helped me in my new position at work – with writing and just with life itself, to read Brené Brown’s book , Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, in particular, a speech she references that Teddy Roosevelt gave in 1910:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.



I hope his words inspire you as well, as you go about the work you love and the creativity you need while daring greatly- no matter what! I imagine us, “faces marred by dust and sweat…” and tears (I’m too delicate for blood) – high-fiving one another, breathless, but smiling while doing whatever it is we love.

Quote from Brene Brown - one of my favorites!

Treating Myself

"People who love to eat are always the best people." ~ Julia Child

There was a time, not so long ago, that I wouldn’t have made breakfast or any other meal for that matter – just for me. That has changed! For the last 3 years, I have been counting calories and for the last 2 years, I have been gluten-free. That means, some of the time, I eat differently than my family. I love food...that's been established. So, if I have to stay below 1500 calories/day…I’m going to be pretty particular about what I eat. Nothing mediocre, bland or food that’s just a ‘filler’ (like rice which has never been a favorite of mine).

I make myself things like pepperoni chips, gluten-free berry scones, Big Sky oatmeal, gluten-free pasta, gluten-free biscuits and chocolate chip cookies, and flourless peanut butter cookies. Most of what I make is better and more flavorful than that made with gluten.

The latest week-end treat I’ve been making for myself is Dutch Apple Pancakes. We had them on our trip out East last year at a beautiful Bed & Breakfast in Henniker, NH called Henniker House. The Innkeepers were interesting, fun and engaging. The breakfasts were delicious! This has more calories than my usual breakfast, but I eat it later in the morning so it all works out…I push lunch back a bit, eat a little less throughout the day. They’re very satisfying and filling. I cover the second one with foil and it rewarms the next day perfectly!

Dutch Apple Pancakes

Makes 2 pancakes in 10 oz individual soufflé (ramekins)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Core, peel & slice 2 apples, sauté in butter & liberal quantities of cinnamon for about 8 minutes.

Whirl in a blender (or immersion blender):

3 eggs

1/3 cup flour (I used Pamela’s Gluten-free baking mix)

½ cup milk

Dash salt

Spray 2 oven safe dishes with nonstick cooking spray & put them on a cookie sheet so you can pull the dishes in and out of the oven without slopping. Put apples in the bottom of each dish, pour batter over top.

Bake for 25 minutes – have a look at them – are they puffy and starting to brown? Might go as long as another 25 minutes (mine is usually 10 min more) depending on your oven. Put a pad of butter and some cinnamon/sugar on the top. Put them back in the oven for 5 min and they’ll puff up come more.

Serve quickly so they don’t fall – with warmed New Hampshire maple syrup (only requires about a tsp)

Nutrition Facts for one Dutch Apple Pancake:

Calories: 347.5

Fat: 11.9

Carb

Add s: 39.2

Fiber 5.8

Protein: 13.5

Add calories for the amount of syrup you use.

You Have To Be Where You Are...

“In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” Hannah Arendt

I’ve been trying to escape perfectionism for some time. Whether it’s with work, finances, marriage, parenting, diet or exercise…I’ve had destructive all-or-nothing thinking for some time. If the budget spreadsheet isn’t filled out correctly, why even keep track? If I’ve overeaten in any way, why not just blow the rest of the day and eat what I want?

As you can see, this is not a very productive way to think and live. But, it’s how a lot of us try to navigate life. Little did I (or any of us) know, it makes everything more complicated than it needs to be. It keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from other people.

Rich and I had a conversation with good friends last month about relationships and how being open to one another and making one another a priority can improve their marriage. They listened but we could tell they didn’t want to hear about it. They were still so hurt by years of living disconnected from one another they couldn’t see the benefit of spending time rebuilding. When I thought about it later, I realized that Rich and I wouldn’t have listened to anyone years ago either. You have to come from the experience you’ve had...you have to be where you are and move on from there at your own pace, in your own good time.

Chris Freytag, a fitness expert advises:  “Live fully and you’ll build the confidence you need to make positive change. Plus, we should all accept ourselves and our flaws. Life is about learning, right?”

That’s what I’m striving to be okay with now in all aspects of my life…just doing better than I’ve done before and learning as I go. Learning ourselves and walking through whatever individual pain and fear we harbor, for whatever reason, is all a part of the process. A process that includes disconnecting from that judgy voice in your head that feeds you full of inaccurate information, like, “you’re not good (thin, smart, rich) enough.” Start telling yourself a more positive story and live fully, building confidence as you go. Practice being okay where you are…wherever that is.

Sanibel Island, 2014 

I was perfectly happy being where I was...

Do You Hear That Whooshing Sound?

It’s the beginning of February 2014 already. This is how fast time whooshes by us and if unchecked we find ourselves back at New Year’s 2015 with the same old resolutions…and no progress for a year. One month into this year, if you made resolutions, have you at least made some forward progress in the last month? I’m not asking if you’ve been perfect, I’m just asking if you’d made progress. I haven’t been anywhere near perfect and I'm learning to lean into that – these are “practices” I would like to continue for my lifetime. There are times when, for whatever reason, I will falter and times when I will have breakthroughs – but most of the time I’ll struggle to get it all done every day; just like all of you.

My first three resolutions are the rules for the program I’ve been doing the last three years:

1.    Eat my allotted calories for the day and no more.

2.    Exercise with measurable improvement daily.

3.    Drink 8 glasses of water/day.

I keep track of my food and exercise in a journal but since January 1, I also have a calendar in the front of that journal where I make an “X” through a perfect day. Not-so-perfect days, this can include days I didn’t exercise or days I went over my calories (even by one measly calorie or by an unmentionable amount!), get a “O.” I have five “O” days in the last month. It’s a good visual reminder to see at-a-glance how I’ve done. However, those days, good and bad, are done. I’m working on this day now.

The remainder of the resolutions were mostly new this year:

4.    Learn how to do yoga and meditate.

5.    Journal one happy memory daily.

6.    Perform random acts of kindness daily.

I have been doing yoga (3-4 times/week) for the last two weeks. I’m in love with it. I miss it on the days I don’t do it and I wish I had started years ago! I knew the barrier to doing it would be getting somewhere to get it done, even 3-4 times a week, so I elected to start with a video. The one I started with can be found at Yoga for Runners. It stretches all of the areas of my body that need lengthening – even the soles of my feet and my toes! It’s rejuvenating and strengthening. Did I already say I’m in love with it? ‘Cause I am. Journaling one happy memory daily has not been an issue, though I’ve missed a few days of that too – I got most days. I’m having trouble with random acts of kindness. I will think of something and wrestle with myself about whether or not that was really random and/or kind…was it just the usual run-of-the-mill “nice?” I have some work to do there yet!

 

7.    Sleep 7-8 hours per night

I really, really like closer to 8 hours of sleep per night. If I can get that AND get up at around 5:30 am to workout, I’d be in business! It would be so much less of a struggle to get everything accomplished every day. More to come on this…

8.    Spend more time being creative: write, draw, craft, cook and photograph.

9.  Organize as a hobby: one room at a time, weekly meals, finances, work office, photo albums.

10. Make and keep preventative medical and dental appointments.

I’ve done more blogging in the last month that I’d done in the last quarter of 2013. That’s something! The rest still need work. Organization will come soon – the boys have a move-out date of March 1. For over a year, we’ve had too many people and too much stuff for one house. There are so many things to organize, plan and make overall improvement on in #9…<sigh> that’s a big one. More on that one later, too. I’ve had my annual exam/mammogram in January. Next month is the dentist.

11. Spend more time looking at the people I love with my undivided attention.

12. Elicit the help of others when I feel like I'm on overload.

13. List 3 new things I'm grateful for every day.

I’ve made a conscious effort to put the phone, tablet or computer down when I’m talking to my family. I could do more, better. I’m asking for help when I need it before I’m to the point of implosion. And I’ve documented three new gratitudes nearly every day. 

14. Reward myself for small goals I've achieved in order to keep the momentum

      going.

15. And, the personal mantra I developed in the class I just took: I will

      carry courage, compassion (including self-compassion) and connection with me

      in my heart on the journey of this one life...even when things get scary.

I lost 10 lbs in January! That’s my first small goal and I’ve got a spray tan to schedule right before our Florida trip as my reward! I got a pedicure gift card for my birthday (thanks, Heather!) or that would have been my first reward choice. I’m getting better at this personal mantra – I’m showing more self-compassion and allowing less negative self-talk to get through the filter. I’m consciously making the effort to stay connected and engaged, no matter what. There is no escape hatch to emotionally check-out – the way out is through – in every situation. How are your resolutions coming? Do you hear that whooshing sound? It’s life flying right past us. Do. Something.

 

 

...but I Need My Space

Empathy is a good thing. From my work as a nurse then a nurse practitioner to being a wife to the raising of my kids– it has served me well. Issues arise – I’ve described it before as feeling like the canary in a mine, too fragile for this world – when I haven’t taken care of myself like I need to. I get overwhelmed with life in this family and in this society as a whole; again, too much of a good thing, too much empathy. .

I ran across an article recently titled, “How to Love an Empath.” Before I read that, I knew that I had exceptional intuition and overactive empathy. I just didn’t know they went together and I certainly didn’t know anyone needed strategies for how to love someone like me

Dr. Judith Orloff explains what an emotional empath is:

           Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes

to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are

less apt to intellectualize feelings. Intuition is the filter through which

they experience the world. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually

attuned, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it.

Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers.

 

The trademark of empaths is that they know where you’re coming from.

Some can do this without taking on people’s feelings. However, for better

or worse, others, like myself and many of my patients, can become angst-

sucking sponges. This often overrides the sublime capacity to absorb

positive emotions and all that is beautiful. If empaths are around peace

and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though,

often feels assaultive, exhausting. Thus, they’re particularly easy marks

for emotional vampires, whose fear or rage can ravage empaths. As a

subconscious defense, they may gain weight as a buffer.

 

How many of you can identify the emotional vampires you’ve known by name? Raise your hand! Me too! I’ve called them “joy-sucking vortexes” – same diff.

I wrote about this a little bit in Grave Injustices last year. I didn’t know what to call it then, but it showed that I’d started listening to my internal angst some and limiting things like T.V. (particularly news). But I need to do more – listen to my body, mind and soul when I need a break, some alone time to recharge and distance myself from negativity – both online and in person that can suck my energy dry.

Over the years, I have had to (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) step back, breathe and decide, “Is this my fight?” A lot of times this has been at the urging of my husband after he’s witnessed how certain things can emotionally ravage me; most of the time it’s not my fight. The practice of letting go is ongoing…

Dr. Orloff’s quiz to see if you’re an empath will be eye-opening, especially for my nurse friends:

QUIZ: AM I AN EMPATH?

Ask yourself:

·         Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?

·         If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?

·         Are my feelings easily hurt?

·         Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?

·         Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?

·         Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?

·         Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?

·         Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?

If you answer “yes” to 1-3 of these questions, you’re at least part empath. Responding “yes” to more than 3 indicates that you’ve found your emotional type.

Recognizing that you’re an empath is the first step in taking charge of your

emotions instead of constantly drowning in them. Staying on top of empathy will

improve your self-care and relationships.

 

It may be a little uncomfortable to admit but it’s also a step in the right direction – discovering what to name these feelings and knowing you’re not broken because you react this way. Knowing, as Dr. Orloff says, “No.” is a one word sentence – use it when you need to. You don’t need permission from anyone to do what you need to live comfortably in your own skin. You don’t even have to explain, except to those people who love you and they will understand and embrace you after you’ve had time to rejuvenate with some silence and solitude.

 

My favorite meditation focus - solitude.

Good Clean Food

My favorite place to eat for the past year has been Chipotle, specifically, their chicken bowl sans rice: pinto beans, chicken, mild salsa, sour cream and cheese. It’s bursting with flavor and feels good on my belly. Since I quit gluten, I don’t typically have the boggy gut feeling after I eat anything – even the gluten-free pasta sits well. Chipotle gives an even better feeling – a good clean food feeling – you know the one. A bonus to this great feeling is they have a nutrition calculator on their website under MENU at Chipotle – so you can figure out your calories before you go! The website also discusses the vision of the restaurant and the integrity of the food.

I’ve made my version of chipotle at home using the recipes on this site: Chipotle Copycat Recipes It was good and very close to the restaurant version but it took some time. What I like to make more often, that gives me that same good-clean-food feeling is fajitas. I have a countertop Cuisinart Griddle/Grill. I grill all the ingredients for the fajitas on it. I prefer the texture of flour fajita wraps, but I’ve found some white corn ones that are also pretty soft and not so gritty.

Chicken Fajitas

4 Green Peppers, cleaned and sliced

2 Large Onions, sliced

4 Chicken breasts, sliced

Fajita spice of your choice – we use Market Pantry’s version

Sour Cream

Shredded Cheese

Slice vegetables on a cutting board first and sprinkle with fajita spice, tossing gently to distribute. I usually have to do two grill-full’s of each ingredient. You can cut the meat ahead of time and keep in the fridge with the fajita spice on it but I usually don’t – slice it on the cutting board and toss with fajita spice as well. I keep each ingredient covered as it gets done (8 min on the grill is usually enough for everything), so everything is warm when served. Assemble by placing 1 tbsp sour cream on one side of a fajita wrap, top with 1 oz chicken and as many veggies as you can fit, followed by 0.5 oz cheese – wrap up and enjoy! I serve with refried beans, chips and salsa.

Nutrition facts for 2 fajitas (2 wraps, 2oz chicken, 1 tbsp sour cream, 1 oz cheese):

*I don’t count the calories in the veggies as there’s not that many you can fit

Calories: 457

Fat: 24.2
Carbs: 15
Fiber: 0
Protein: 25.4

 

This picture is a left-over fajita because I forgot to get a picture on the first day!

They look so much better than this the first time...really...

Oh Reuben, How I've Missed You!

I enjoy a good Reuben Sandwich. This is what Wikipedia has to say about its’ creation:

One account holds that Reuben Kulakofsky (sometimes spelled Reubin, or the last name shortened to Kay), a Lithuanian-born grocer from Omaha, Nebraska, was the inventor, perhaps as part of a group effort by members of Kulakofsky's weekly poker game held in the Blackstone Hotel from around 1920 through 1935. The participants, who nicknamed themselves "the committee", included the hotel's owner, Charles Schimmel. The sandwich first gained local fame when Schimmel put it on the Blackstone's lunch menu, and its fame spread when a former employee of the hotel won a national contest with the recipe.^[1]

Other accounts hold that the Reuben's creator was Arnold Reuben, the German owner of the once-famous, now defunct Reuben's Delicatessen in New York City,^[3] who, according to an interview with Craig Claiborne, invented the "Reuben special" around 1914.^[4] The earliest references in print to the sandwich are New York–based but that is not conclusive evidence, though the fact that the earliest, from a 1926 edition of Theatre Magazine, references a "Reuben special", does seem to take its cue from Arnold Reuben's menu.

I prefer to use the Reuben from Omaha history because, let’s face it, New York really has enough attributed to it.

When we were first married, we lived in Crestview, Florida. We were stationed at Eglin AFB. We discovered the Reuben Sandwich at Mia’s Restaurant there shortly after we arrived. We ate there weekly (I think on Mondays) for the 18 months we were there.

When we were transferred to Bellevue, NE we didn’t find a place close to home where we could get a good Reuben. We did find a great Mom & Pop Mexican restaurant (Lil Burro) that became our regular place to eat out. Then, 8 years later, we moved to Gretna. We had a 3-year-old and you know how fun they are to take out to eat! Besides, it’s pretty far from our house to any good restaurants so we just got out of the habit of eating out. Add to that, 2 ½ years ago I went gluten-free and by then the prospect of ever having a Reuben Sandwich again seemed all but impossible.

Enter my reinvigorated self this New Year! I’m dedicated to eating REALLY good, fun food. I enjoy food…A LOT…so when food gets boring, I can rebel a bit and not want to adhere to a well-balance diet. I want flavor and variety – something to look forward to, that makes my eyes light up. This is not a low calorie meal, so it will require some planning for the rest of the day, but it’s so worth it!

I used marble rye bread for the family and for mine I used my Udi’s Flax and Fiber bread. This bread is not fabulous but it’s good toasted and with a sandwich as flavorful as a Reuben, it’s perfect. I buttered both sides of the bread and toasted them on the griddle. They turned out so great! I hope you have time to try one soon!

Recipe:

Udi’s Flax and Fiber bread                          2 slices, buttered and grilled

Land O Lakes light butter w/ canola oil        1 tablespoon

Thousand Island Dressing                           1 tablespoon

Corned beef, deli                                         2 oz

Sauerkraut                                                  4 tablespoons (or whatever you can get to fit)

Swiss Cheese                                             1 ounce slice

Nutrition Facts:

Calories: 482

Fat: 32.7

Carbs: 26.3

Fiber: 6

Protein: 21.3

Happy New...Everything!

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." -Henry Ford

Failure has never been a good time for me. I've not seen the opportunity, only all that  work now down the drain. I wish I could say I've evolved past that but I haven't.

I spent most of 2013 absorbed in my family and work. I rarely put myself first and it shows. I have some fantastic excuses for ignoring myself: the boys are living with us while they get back on their feet - Adam after the Army and Alex after becoming a father July 9, 2013. His baby is Abigail (Abby) August Enerson. She is beautiful, happy, thriving and adored - as every baby should be. She is also another little member of the family who requires time and attention. Allison's activity schedule can sometimes be completely out of control. Then there's time to eke out to spend with Rich. All of this before the full-time job that takes so much time and attention away from me and all of  them.

The piece I'm missing is what the airlines tell us to do in case of an emergency when we fly: place the oxygen masks on yourself first. We're all better able to function in all of our roles if we've first taken care of our needs, at minimum, for exercise, good food and sleep.

So, last week-end, I asked the trainer I've been with for almost three years if I should quit, citing the fact that I've been struggling for the last year. During the return phone call he said, "You know, you're kind of like that kid in college who does okay for a couple of semesters and then blows a semester and has to take time off because he's on academic probation." My instinct was to fire back with "you're not the boss of me!"  Then, he told me I just need to decide to do what works - to decide to do it right. I know he's right because I've decided before. But inside I want to call him a stupid jerkface and give him my signature scowl. This is the 5 year-old in me who wants something magical and maybe princess-y to happen that will make this not my problem anymore.

He is able to talk me off the ledge (of the pricess castle)...with how it takes time to get this right after so many years of doing it wrong. How it's easy, normal even, to revert back to old habits when you're not paying attention...

So, in 2014, I resolve (decide) to:

1. Eat my allotted calories for the day and no more.
2. Exercise with measurable improvement daily.
3. Drink 8 glasses of water/day.
4. Learn how to do yoga and meditate.
5. Journal one happy memory daily.
6. Perform random acts of kindness daily.
7. Sleep 7-8 hours per night.
8. Spend more time being creative: write, draw, craft, cook and photograph.
9. Organize as a hobby: one room at a time, weekly meals, finances, work office, photo albums.
10. Make and keep preventative medical and dental appointments.
11. Spend more time looking at the people I love with my undivided attention.
12. Elicit the help of others when I feel like I'm on overload.
13. List 3 new things I'm grateful for every day.
14. Reward myself for small goals I've achieved in order to keep the momentum going.
15. And, the personal mantra I developed in the class I just took: I will carry courage, compassion (including self-compassion) and connection with me in my heart on the journey of this one life...even when things get scary.


Happy New Year 2014. Off we go!

My Favorite Summer Food

Next to watermelon BLT's are, hands down, my favorite summer food. There's something so clean-tasting about them and when the tomatoes are bursting with flavor they can't be beat. It's easy to package the ingredients in baggies and take them to work. You'll have the lunch that's the envy of everyone!

The BLT below is made on Udi's Omega Flax and Fiber bread, so the meal, with some fruit added has plenty of fiber. I don't count the two slices of tomato or the two leaves of lettuce, but here's the calorie count for the bread, 1 tbsp. mayo and two slices of bacon:

Calories: 300
Fat: 15.5
Carbohydrates: 24
Fiber: 6
Protein: 10

Enjoy!

 

The Zone

Every once in awhile, I need a change in perspective; typically it’s when I’m feeling overwhelmed with the busy-ness of life and prioritizing everyone else’s needs above my own. This time overwhelm has reared its ugly head because of a temporary houseful of big kids and the chaos that inevitably follows them, a beautiful new grandchild, my own back injury and the return of the sometimes frenetic Fall school schedule. I have learned, through the years, that I’m pretty horrible at delegating anything. I don’t use the word “no” often enough.

A change in perspective comes after some rest and after I’ve set some boundaries, delegated a few things, and claimed some time for myself. After all that, my perspective alters, and I can see that everything on the list above has been a gift.

Allison struggles with perspective mostly at night when she’s afraid of things that go “bump,” imaginary eyes peaking out of an open closet, or an impending nightmare. At these times, I have no problem explaining to her that she’s in control of her own thoughts; that she gets to decide what goes on in her own mind. I make it sound so easy.

I’ve been in The Zone before, when the whole world feels not only bearable, but joyful and radiant and just as it should be. It’s not a matter of all things having gone right or “my way” during that time. It was just a matter of perspective; of keeping my eye on what’s really important. The recipe is and always has been there. I just need to follow it:

• Eat well.
• Exercise daily.
• Sleep 7-8 hours/night.
• Set appropriate boundaries so all of the above can take place.
• Practice gratitude (at least) daily.
• Incorporate fun into everyday life.
• Don’t take myself too seriously.

Along with these things, I’d like to incorporate meditation. I’ve tried it a couple of times but so far I’m terrible at it. The directions I’ve read say to start by focusing on the space between your thoughts and make those spaces bigger. The spaces between my racing thoughts are squished together and I haven’t been able to get in there yet, at least not long enough to make it meaningful. How great does just 10 minutes of quiet time in the early morning sound – maybe while watching the sunrise? All the better if it makes the rest of my day pass more calmly and smoothly.

If you’re a fan of Pearl Jam, like I am – you can try an exercise in change of perspective with their song Yellow Ledbetter. First, listen to a YouTube version of it below and try to hear every word (it’s long, so you don’t have to listen to it all). Okay…go!

Listening for the words to this one stresses me out!

Now, listen to it without the expectation of words, as though he’s using laryngealisation like Enya or someone similar…

Isn’t it so much better?

I find that so useful because it shows how quickly perspective can be changed. The bottom line, for me, is I have to remember that I have this one life. I can choose to be stressed-out, angry, short-tempered, and judgy or I can choose to be the person I want to be. I want to be someone who’s calm, with warm, welcoming eyes and a smile to match, loving, forgiving and empathetic, someone who lives, as Brene Brown puts it “Wholeheartedly.” Someone I’d like to spend some quality time with.

The choice seems pretty simple: I’m changing my perspective and getting in The Zone today. You?

 

No One Can Do Everything

The last month has been all about imbalance. The beginning of summer was weighted heavy with travel – first to the farm, then to my father-in-law’s in Florida. These trips were followed directly by a week-long conference for work and a quick overnight trek to Kansas City. Whew! Each of these trips and even the conference were wonderful and fun and filled with experiences I treasure. Their close proximity caused work and home responsibilities to pile up to an overwhelming level. I’m still not caught up. Overwhelm quickly caught me off balance and exhaustion followed soon after.

In the midst of a busy-ness, worrying, micro-controlling, perfectionism storm, ironically, nothing is perfect. I don’t know about you, but when I allow overwhelm and exhaustion to run rampant, I start to get a little anxious. I’m “busy” all the time but actually accomplish very little. It’s been a vicious cycle this month that’s lead to overeating, inconsistent exercise, and neglect of my priorities (including this blog).

That changed this week with a couple of experiences that stopped me in my tracks. First, I slowed down and did a little reading. The following excerpt is from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly:

            I [historically don’t] “lean into discomfort,” so over time I basically became a

take-the-edge-off-aholic. But they don’t have meetings for that. And after

some brief experimenting, I learned that describing your addiction that way

in a tradition twelve-step meeting doesn’t always go over very well with the purists.

               

For me, it wasn’t just the dance halls, cold beer, and Marlboro Lights of my

youth that got out of hand – it was banana bread, chips and queso, email, work,

staying busy, incessant worrying, planning, perfectionism, and anything else that

could dull those agonizing and anxiety-fueled feelings of vulnerability.

I didn’t even give her permission to talk about me in this book. She did get a few things wrong because the dance halls, beer and cigarettes have never applied to me and I really prefer chocolate over any other guilty vice. But, I use ALL of those things after the food list to dull any feeling that gets too edgy.

The second experience was a conference call with Tony at the FAST Diet – he has these periodically. On this call he told a story about a successful business man who ran many companies. This man told him that his secret to a successful, balanced life was prioritizing the things that are important to him every day. His point was that no one can do everything...though many of us are still trying. He does things like review his schedule for the next day and block out time for those things that are important to him – like exercise or a dinner with his wife. Then, he does these things without fail. He doesn’t allow other people’s priorities to hone in on his own. He makes no excuses, he sets boundaries, he turns off his phone and does what he’s chosen to with all of his energy.

Lastly, my daughter, who was born with this same incessant perfectionism started to run with me this week. She is so self-critical – down-trodden if she doesn’t perform (at anything) to her own ridiculously high expectations. So, I took some time to read ahead in Daring Greatly to the parenting advice for helping children live wholeheartedly. I told her about what perfectionism is and how having goals is great but that no one is perfect and that she is loved because she’s Allison not because of anything she does. Period. My hope is that she’s not 45 years old and still figuring this stuff out but that when she’s 45 years old (or 15 or 25 years old) she’ll be living all-the-way. That she’ll leave worry and perfectionism behind, cultivate great relationships, take the time to do what she loves and have a healthy work life that allows her to do what really moves her – whatever that may be. I wish this for all of my children. I wish this for me. And for you.

This is day three back on track – I feel better already. I have a to-do list that’s still going on in my head. I’ll get that down on paper today. Not because I want to get it all done right away – I just want it out of my head. Our summer is already half over, so along with doing all the things that make me physically fit, my priority is to concentrate on those things that bring balance to my life:

• watch the sun rise and set
• find a great fireworks show to attend
• read
• work in my garden
• hike
• slow down and do nothing
• shut off my phone if I really don't want to be interrupted
• avoid electronics a bit
• immerse myself in summer
• look into the faces of my family and smile
• give love
• choose joy
• practice gratitude

A summer sunset right outside my front door