You Have To Be Where You Are...

“In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” Hannah Arendt

I’ve been trying to escape perfectionism for some time. Whether it’s with work, finances, marriage, parenting, diet or exercise…I’ve had destructive all-or-nothing thinking for some time. If the budget spreadsheet isn’t filled out correctly, why even keep track? If I’ve overeaten in any way, why not just blow the rest of the day and eat what I want?

As you can see, this is not a very productive way to think and live. But, it’s how a lot of us try to navigate life. Little did I (or any of us) know, it makes everything more complicated than it needs to be. It keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from other people.

Rich and I had a conversation with good friends last month about relationships and how being open to one another and making one another a priority can improve their marriage. They listened but we could tell they didn’t want to hear about it. They were still so hurt by years of living disconnected from one another they couldn’t see the benefit of spending time rebuilding. When I thought about it later, I realized that Rich and I wouldn’t have listened to anyone years ago either. You have to come from the experience you’ve had...you have to be where you are and move on from there at your own pace, in your own good time.

Chris Freytag, a fitness expert advises:  “Live fully and you’ll build the confidence you need to make positive change. Plus, we should all accept ourselves and our flaws. Life is about learning, right?”

That’s what I’m striving to be okay with now in all aspects of my life…just doing better than I’ve done before and learning as I go. Learning ourselves and walking through whatever individual pain and fear we harbor, for whatever reason, is all a part of the process. A process that includes disconnecting from that judgy voice in your head that feeds you full of inaccurate information, like, “you’re not good (thin, smart, rich) enough.” Start telling yourself a more positive story and live fully, building confidence as you go. Practice being okay where you are…wherever that is.

Sanibel Island, 2014 

I was perfectly happy being where I was...

Do You Hear That Whooshing Sound?

It’s the beginning of February 2014 already. This is how fast time whooshes by us and if unchecked we find ourselves back at New Year’s 2015 with the same old resolutions…and no progress for a year. One month into this year, if you made resolutions, have you at least made some forward progress in the last month? I’m not asking if you’ve been perfect, I’m just asking if you’d made progress. I haven’t been anywhere near perfect and I'm learning to lean into that – these are “practices” I would like to continue for my lifetime. There are times when, for whatever reason, I will falter and times when I will have breakthroughs – but most of the time I’ll struggle to get it all done every day; just like all of you.

My first three resolutions are the rules for the program I’ve been doing the last three years:

1.    Eat my allotted calories for the day and no more.

2.    Exercise with measurable improvement daily.

3.    Drink 8 glasses of water/day.

I keep track of my food and exercise in a journal but since January 1, I also have a calendar in the front of that journal where I make an “X” through a perfect day. Not-so-perfect days, this can include days I didn’t exercise or days I went over my calories (even by one measly calorie or by an unmentionable amount!), get a “O.” I have five “O” days in the last month. It’s a good visual reminder to see at-a-glance how I’ve done. However, those days, good and bad, are done. I’m working on this day now.

The remainder of the resolutions were mostly new this year:

4.    Learn how to do yoga and meditate.

5.    Journal one happy memory daily.

6.    Perform random acts of kindness daily.

I have been doing yoga (3-4 times/week) for the last two weeks. I’m in love with it. I miss it on the days I don’t do it and I wish I had started years ago! I knew the barrier to doing it would be getting somewhere to get it done, even 3-4 times a week, so I elected to start with a video. The one I started with can be found at Yoga for Runners. It stretches all of the areas of my body that need lengthening – even the soles of my feet and my toes! It’s rejuvenating and strengthening. Did I already say I’m in love with it? ‘Cause I am. Journaling one happy memory daily has not been an issue, though I’ve missed a few days of that too – I got most days. I’m having trouble with random acts of kindness. I will think of something and wrestle with myself about whether or not that was really random and/or kind…was it just the usual run-of-the-mill “nice?” I have some work to do there yet!

 

7.    Sleep 7-8 hours per night

I really, really like closer to 8 hours of sleep per night. If I can get that AND get up at around 5:30 am to workout, I’d be in business! It would be so much less of a struggle to get everything accomplished every day. More to come on this…

8.    Spend more time being creative: write, draw, craft, cook and photograph.

9.  Organize as a hobby: one room at a time, weekly meals, finances, work office, photo albums.

10. Make and keep preventative medical and dental appointments.

I’ve done more blogging in the last month that I’d done in the last quarter of 2013. That’s something! The rest still need work. Organization will come soon – the boys have a move-out date of March 1. For over a year, we’ve had too many people and too much stuff for one house. There are so many things to organize, plan and make overall improvement on in #9…<sigh> that’s a big one. More on that one later, too. I’ve had my annual exam/mammogram in January. Next month is the dentist.

11. Spend more time looking at the people I love with my undivided attention.

12. Elicit the help of others when I feel like I'm on overload.

13. List 3 new things I'm grateful for every day.

I’ve made a conscious effort to put the phone, tablet or computer down when I’m talking to my family. I could do more, better. I’m asking for help when I need it before I’m to the point of implosion. And I’ve documented three new gratitudes nearly every day. 

14. Reward myself for small goals I've achieved in order to keep the momentum

      going.

15. And, the personal mantra I developed in the class I just took: I will

      carry courage, compassion (including self-compassion) and connection with me

      in my heart on the journey of this one life...even when things get scary.

I lost 10 lbs in January! That’s my first small goal and I’ve got a spray tan to schedule right before our Florida trip as my reward! I got a pedicure gift card for my birthday (thanks, Heather!) or that would have been my first reward choice. I’m getting better at this personal mantra – I’m showing more self-compassion and allowing less negative self-talk to get through the filter. I’m consciously making the effort to stay connected and engaged, no matter what. There is no escape hatch to emotionally check-out – the way out is through – in every situation. How are your resolutions coming? Do you hear that whooshing sound? It’s life flying right past us. Do. Something.

 

 

Baby Unicorns and Friday Nights

The title of this blog post will only make sense after you’ve seen the video below. It will leave you chuckling for days. You’ll have to listen again…and again…

I’m often late to discover things. TED talks started in 1984. They’ve been on the web since 2007. My husband and oldest son knew about them – or so they told me when I so exuberantly came to enlighten them with my find early last year! The first one I listened to was Brene Brown, who I’ve posted here before. Another one that really moved me is this one by Shawn Achor. I’ve posted it on Facebook a couple of times (cause I really, really, really like him…but not in a stalker-ish or otherwise awkward way at all). His talk is pertinent now because it’s where I got four of my New Year’s Resolutions (the fifth one I already do).

The reason these people are so impressive to me is that they are researchers. They aren’t warm and fuzzy self-help gurus pitching their next of 200 books. They do write…but in moderation…and they’re smart, dedicated, conscientious, socially responsible people. They’re people I want to know and be. And they’re hilarious, which makes listening to them even more fun. Rich and I attended TEDx Omaha this fall. Look for one in your city. They’re inspiring, moving and fun – a day well spent.  They’ll make you an even better person than you are right now. Promise.

Happy New...Everything!

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." -Henry Ford

Failure has never been a good time for me. I've not seen the opportunity, only all that  work now down the drain. I wish I could say I've evolved past that but I haven't.

I spent most of 2013 absorbed in my family and work. I rarely put myself first and it shows. I have some fantastic excuses for ignoring myself: the boys are living with us while they get back on their feet - Adam after the Army and Alex after becoming a father July 9, 2013. His baby is Abigail (Abby) August Enerson. She is beautiful, happy, thriving and adored - as every baby should be. She is also another little member of the family who requires time and attention. Allison's activity schedule can sometimes be completely out of control. Then there's time to eke out to spend with Rich. All of this before the full-time job that takes so much time and attention away from me and all of  them.

The piece I'm missing is what the airlines tell us to do in case of an emergency when we fly: place the oxygen masks on yourself first. We're all better able to function in all of our roles if we've first taken care of our needs, at minimum, for exercise, good food and sleep.

So, last week-end, I asked the trainer I've been with for almost three years if I should quit, citing the fact that I've been struggling for the last year. During the return phone call he said, "You know, you're kind of like that kid in college who does okay for a couple of semesters and then blows a semester and has to take time off because he's on academic probation." My instinct was to fire back with "you're not the boss of me!"  Then, he told me I just need to decide to do what works - to decide to do it right. I know he's right because I've decided before. But inside I want to call him a stupid jerkface and give him my signature scowl. This is the 5 year-old in me who wants something magical and maybe princess-y to happen that will make this not my problem anymore.

He is able to talk me off the ledge (of the pricess castle)...with how it takes time to get this right after so many years of doing it wrong. How it's easy, normal even, to revert back to old habits when you're not paying attention...

So, in 2014, I resolve (decide) to:

1. Eat my allotted calories for the day and no more.
2. Exercise with measurable improvement daily.
3. Drink 8 glasses of water/day.
4. Learn how to do yoga and meditate.
5. Journal one happy memory daily.
6. Perform random acts of kindness daily.
7. Sleep 7-8 hours per night.
8. Spend more time being creative: write, draw, craft, cook and photograph.
9. Organize as a hobby: one room at a time, weekly meals, finances, work office, photo albums.
10. Make and keep preventative medical and dental appointments.
11. Spend more time looking at the people I love with my undivided attention.
12. Elicit the help of others when I feel like I'm on overload.
13. List 3 new things I'm grateful for every day.
14. Reward myself for small goals I've achieved in order to keep the momentum going.
15. And, the personal mantra I developed in the class I just took: I will carry courage, compassion (including self-compassion) and connection with me in my heart on the journey of this one life...even when things get scary.


Happy New Year 2014. Off we go!

I Check Out

This isn’t the first time. I’ve done it before. I suppose everyone does to an extent. When my brain and body detect danger and feel that to-the-core fear (you know the one), I check out of all non-vital activities in my life.

This happened in some form or another:

·         Those first weeks after I found out my first husband was having an affair

·         When Rich had brain surgery

·         When my sister was critically ill and pregnant

·         When Adam deployed to Afghanistan and most recently;

·         This last week, when Allison was sick then hospitalized with a rare and bizarre but non-life threatening illness

This checking out is the flight, fight or freeze response in slow motion. A conscious decision on my part to compartmentalize what I can and cannot (will or will not) manage. Some of it is healthy: I couldn’t reasonably work while my daughter was hospitalized and postponing email and mail for a week can be a good practice every now and again.

What I’ve learned is that shutting down or checking out of healthy habits (eating well, exercise and getting good sleep) doesn’t make any of it easier. In fact, it probably makes it more difficult because there’s this big mountain of electronic and actual “paperwork” awaiting my emergence. I feel sluggish and foggy. I contemplated cancelling the trip I’ve planned to the New England states with my sister and parents. We leave next weekend and it felt too soon. I was allowing myself to continue to see the world through the lens of fear and exhaustion – anticipating everything that would go wrong at home in my absence.

Today, I start accurately recording my food intake again. I start exercising with a vengeance. I will get through all the mail, pay bills and even plan some excursions in the New England states for next week. Tomorrow work resumes. The next day, I will feel so much better – healthy and full of energy. Rather than anticipating any catastrophes, I will take my own advice and give love, choose joy and practice gratitude.

From: Yourlifeyourway.net

 

 

The Zone

Every once in awhile, I need a change in perspective; typically it’s when I’m feeling overwhelmed with the busy-ness of life and prioritizing everyone else’s needs above my own. This time overwhelm has reared its ugly head because of a temporary houseful of big kids and the chaos that inevitably follows them, a beautiful new grandchild, my own back injury and the return of the sometimes frenetic Fall school schedule. I have learned, through the years, that I’m pretty horrible at delegating anything. I don’t use the word “no” often enough.

A change in perspective comes after some rest and after I’ve set some boundaries, delegated a few things, and claimed some time for myself. After all that, my perspective alters, and I can see that everything on the list above has been a gift.

Allison struggles with perspective mostly at night when she’s afraid of things that go “bump,” imaginary eyes peaking out of an open closet, or an impending nightmare. At these times, I have no problem explaining to her that she’s in control of her own thoughts; that she gets to decide what goes on in her own mind. I make it sound so easy.

I’ve been in The Zone before, when the whole world feels not only bearable, but joyful and radiant and just as it should be. It’s not a matter of all things having gone right or “my way” during that time. It was just a matter of perspective; of keeping my eye on what’s really important. The recipe is and always has been there. I just need to follow it:

• Eat well.
• Exercise daily.
• Sleep 7-8 hours/night.
• Set appropriate boundaries so all of the above can take place.
• Practice gratitude (at least) daily.
• Incorporate fun into everyday life.
• Don’t take myself too seriously.

Along with these things, I’d like to incorporate meditation. I’ve tried it a couple of times but so far I’m terrible at it. The directions I’ve read say to start by focusing on the space between your thoughts and make those spaces bigger. The spaces between my racing thoughts are squished together and I haven’t been able to get in there yet, at least not long enough to make it meaningful. How great does just 10 minutes of quiet time in the early morning sound – maybe while watching the sunrise? All the better if it makes the rest of my day pass more calmly and smoothly.

If you’re a fan of Pearl Jam, like I am – you can try an exercise in change of perspective with their song Yellow Ledbetter. First, listen to a YouTube version of it below and try to hear every word (it’s long, so you don’t have to listen to it all). Okay…go!

Listening for the words to this one stresses me out!

Now, listen to it without the expectation of words, as though he’s using laryngealisation like Enya or someone similar…

Isn’t it so much better?

I find that so useful because it shows how quickly perspective can be changed. The bottom line, for me, is I have to remember that I have this one life. I can choose to be stressed-out, angry, short-tempered, and judgy or I can choose to be the person I want to be. I want to be someone who’s calm, with warm, welcoming eyes and a smile to match, loving, forgiving and empathetic, someone who lives, as Brene Brown puts it “Wholeheartedly.” Someone I’d like to spend some quality time with.

The choice seems pretty simple: I’m changing my perspective and getting in The Zone today. You?

 

No One Can Do Everything

The last month has been all about imbalance. The beginning of summer was weighted heavy with travel – first to the farm, then to my father-in-law’s in Florida. These trips were followed directly by a week-long conference for work and a quick overnight trek to Kansas City. Whew! Each of these trips and even the conference were wonderful and fun and filled with experiences I treasure. Their close proximity caused work and home responsibilities to pile up to an overwhelming level. I’m still not caught up. Overwhelm quickly caught me off balance and exhaustion followed soon after.

In the midst of a busy-ness, worrying, micro-controlling, perfectionism storm, ironically, nothing is perfect. I don’t know about you, but when I allow overwhelm and exhaustion to run rampant, I start to get a little anxious. I’m “busy” all the time but actually accomplish very little. It’s been a vicious cycle this month that’s lead to overeating, inconsistent exercise, and neglect of my priorities (including this blog).

That changed this week with a couple of experiences that stopped me in my tracks. First, I slowed down and did a little reading. The following excerpt is from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly:

            I [historically don’t] “lean into discomfort,” so over time I basically became a

take-the-edge-off-aholic. But they don’t have meetings for that. And after

some brief experimenting, I learned that describing your addiction that way

in a tradition twelve-step meeting doesn’t always go over very well with the purists.

               

For me, it wasn’t just the dance halls, cold beer, and Marlboro Lights of my

youth that got out of hand – it was banana bread, chips and queso, email, work,

staying busy, incessant worrying, planning, perfectionism, and anything else that

could dull those agonizing and anxiety-fueled feelings of vulnerability.

I didn’t even give her permission to talk about me in this book. She did get a few things wrong because the dance halls, beer and cigarettes have never applied to me and I really prefer chocolate over any other guilty vice. But, I use ALL of those things after the food list to dull any feeling that gets too edgy.

The second experience was a conference call with Tony at the FAST Diet – he has these periodically. On this call he told a story about a successful business man who ran many companies. This man told him that his secret to a successful, balanced life was prioritizing the things that are important to him every day. His point was that no one can do everything...though many of us are still trying. He does things like review his schedule for the next day and block out time for those things that are important to him – like exercise or a dinner with his wife. Then, he does these things without fail. He doesn’t allow other people’s priorities to hone in on his own. He makes no excuses, he sets boundaries, he turns off his phone and does what he’s chosen to with all of his energy.

Lastly, my daughter, who was born with this same incessant perfectionism started to run with me this week. She is so self-critical – down-trodden if she doesn’t perform (at anything) to her own ridiculously high expectations. So, I took some time to read ahead in Daring Greatly to the parenting advice for helping children live wholeheartedly. I told her about what perfectionism is and how having goals is great but that no one is perfect and that she is loved because she’s Allison not because of anything she does. Period. My hope is that she’s not 45 years old and still figuring this stuff out but that when she’s 45 years old (or 15 or 25 years old) she’ll be living all-the-way. That she’ll leave worry and perfectionism behind, cultivate great relationships, take the time to do what she loves and have a healthy work life that allows her to do what really moves her – whatever that may be. I wish this for all of my children. I wish this for me. And for you.

This is day three back on track – I feel better already. I have a to-do list that’s still going on in my head. I’ll get that down on paper today. Not because I want to get it all done right away – I just want it out of my head. Our summer is already half over, so along with doing all the things that make me physically fit, my priority is to concentrate on those things that bring balance to my life:

• watch the sun rise and set
• find a great fireworks show to attend
• read
• work in my garden
• hike
• slow down and do nothing
• shut off my phone if I really don't want to be interrupted
• avoid electronics a bit
• immerse myself in summer
• look into the faces of my family and smile
• give love
• choose joy
• practice gratitude

A summer sunset right outside my front door

All-the-way Worth It!

I attended a Wellness Conference in Nebraska City last weekend. It was so good despite the fact that it was on my 5^th and 6^th days of work last week! There were many great presenters but the most profound voice for me came from Dr. Edward Phillips from the Harvard Center for Lifestyle Medicine.

He doesn’t have a story like some of the rest of us – an “aha” moment that made him turn his life around and get healthy. He’s just had a passion for overall health and wellness as a public health issue throughout his career.

To keep it simple, he says, there are three main things we need to do to stay healthy throughout our lives:

1. Eat 35 servings of fruits and vegetables (or legumes) per week
2. Get 150 minutes of physical activity per week
3. Don’t smoke

These three simple things, in studies, did as much as a coronary stent to treat heart disease! Yet, I didn’t do 2/3 of them for SO many years. I had alot of company – as the graph below demonstrates; only 5% of the country, according to the CDC, adheres to all three of these basic recommendations. Just five percent makes me wince. What are we doing?

Sadly, what we seem to be doing instead is building into our hospitals bariatric accessible bathrooms, purchasing bariatric scales, carts and beds, teaching bariatric sensitivity classes, selling more hover-rounds, teaching surgeons how to perform bariatric surgery, paying for pharmaceutical companies to develop medications to not only treat obesity but the Type 2 Diabetes that is directly correlated to it. Medical spending associated with obesity-related diseases topped out at $147 BILLION dollars in 2012. The rapidly rising rate of obesity and the sequelae that follow are bankrupting our country. We’re doing it to ourselves.

I’ve had my “aha” moment, so these days, I easily get 210 minutes of physical activity per week. I still don’t smoke. I can sometimes struggle with 5 servings per day of fruits and vegetables. I consistently get 3-4 servings per day so bumping that up to five shouldn’t be hard, especially in the summer and fall.

All of this can increase the amount of money we spend on groceries. Overall, though, it will decrease the amount of money spent in healthcare costs for our families. We will be able to work until we choose not to, and our lives will be more enjoyable, active and rewarding; more the life we’ve always envisioned.

As I’ve learned through the last couple of years, changing your life is all about being a problem-solver – if you see a barrier, find a way to get around it. For instance, are you embarrassed to take a packed lunch onto a plane? It would be more embarrassing to be unable to fit in the seat. Harness the power of your mind like this and put it to work for you!

While you’re working on the harness, pack your brain with as much information as you can. There are people out there doing this right – ask them questions. Find out what they do – how do they find balance and good health? Read everything you can. Start with the great websites below but continue searching on your own – send me websites or books that have moved you. I need all the help I can get!

The bottom line is that it is our responsibility to care for this one body we were gifted. It’s not easy. But it’s all-the-way worth it!

"What is the single best thing we can do for our health?" (Video)

EdibleOmaha - find out where to get your homegrown produce!

Bountiful Baskets Food Co-op - find one in your area!

AHA - start walking now program

Walking Connection - looks so fun!

Running for Beginners

CDC Smoking Cessation site - even has a hotline!

Smokefree.gov

...a Little Stitious

Are you superstitious? I don’t really think I am, but I have avoided a black cat who was going to cross my path on more than one occasion, I don’t walk under ladders and I will lament the coming 7 years of bad luck if I break a mirror. The reason I ask is I was reticent to write this post because I didn’t want to jinx myself! Okay, so maybe I am superstitious…a little.

Over the last few years my prescription for healing my life has been exercise with daily measurable improvement, eating good food in the right quantities, getting 7-8 hours of sleep every night, and focusing on gratitude for at least 10 minutes every day. The last four days have been a perfect effort. They’re a testament to how quickly I can feel revitalized. Running and walking out in the sunshine have played a big part in how great I feel, too.

Every time this happens – this hitting my stride – I wonder, “How can I hold onto this?” Every time I’ve responded, “This won’t be hard. Just look at how good you feel! You wouldn’t sacrifice this for anything!” But then I do. Which has lead me to believe that I can’t really be trusted. And if I can’t trust myself then who CAN I trust?

The one thing that’s different this time is I’ve cut out chocolate. I don’t typically have problems controlling the portions of any other food. Chocolate has become a slippery slope to MORE chocolate. It’s become an unhealthy coping mechanism. I’ve replace that afternoon sweet treat with strawberries which are fantastic right now. I have to admit, it hasn’t been much of a sacrifice.

Cutting out chocolate may be the long-term answer for me. More possibly, this will be a lifetime effort – tweaking this or that for what works at any given time. I like the first answer better – it’s more definitive, less messy; easier. The great news is we can all try and try again to get it right. We have a choice every day to really live our lives, not just go through the motions. If you’re feeling exhausted from poor food choices and lack of exercise - fix it. It’ll only take a few days and you’ll feel so much better.

Since I’m only a little superstitious, I’m taking the chance that this may jinx me. Instead, I hope it helps motivate me and maybe some of you as well! 

Photo courtesy of: indugly.com

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody & Nobody

In healthcare, where I work, we revere IHI – The Institute for Healthcare Improvement. My boss sent me this slide from an IHI webinar she attended today:

Reliability Occurs by Design Not by Accident

This is a story about 4 people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.  There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.  Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.  Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it.  Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.  Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.  It ends up that Everybody blames Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

This is so true. It can be true at work but it’s SO true of what’s been happening with me over the last few weeks. The everybody, somebody, anybody and nobody within me are all slackin’. They know what needs to be done. They all know what it feels like to do it right. They’ve got their fingers pointed every which direction – who can we blame for this? Whose fault is it that we’re backsliding? Can we pinpoint exactly when this started? It probably has nothing to do with ME – it’s everything else – co-workers, family, bills…the endless to-do list.

The bottom line is, just like it is with bosses, who cares? What bosses want to hear is: I apologize. I take accountability for what happened but it’s fixed and it won’t happen again. Period. The less explanation the better; the less headache for them.

I’ve tried a course correction for the slacking issue – and written about it a few times. It hasn’t stuck. I really need it to stick. It’s time for a concrete plan of action. It’s time to quit making excuses and decide to stick to the plan I’ve set before me – to let them work for me instead of pushing them away.

In order to get it right, I have to start small – sleep well, plan exercise, plan food, and write everything down. I need to rest if it’s required. Stop, take note and breathe, when I get overwhelmed. And focus on putting me first. I’ve done this poorly for a lot of years. It’s going to take a little time to get it right. I live in the confidence that I will get it right – so will everybody, somebody, anybody and nobody. 

A gift from my friend Sheri, on my bathroom sink to look at daily...

Sunshine and Happiness

“When the sun is shining I can do anything; no mountain is too high, no trouble too difficult to overcome.” ~ Wilma Rudolph

I’m not your typical sun-loving person who has chosen to live life close to the beach or in the desert. As a teenager, I remember slathering myself with baby oil and putting a mixture of lemon juice and mayonnaise (highlights AND moisturizer!) in my hair before going out to lie in the sun. Lie in the sun in the dry farm grass that poked through my towel…trying carefully to avoid the cactus in the backyard. It was obviously pretty glamorous and probably why I was such a fashion icon in high school!

Since then, I have had limited exposure to the sun even in Florida where we lived for awhile. Nebraska (who would’ve known?) gets crazy hot, much like Florida, and we’ve been searching for shade all summer since we’ve lived here.

That was true (at least for me) until I started running outdoors. I knew I was deficient in Vitamin D from a blood test done a few years ago, so I’ve taken a Vitamin D supplement since. There’s nothing like the sun, though, to revive and rejuvenate me and provide that natural source Vitamin D.

I don’t think I have what would be considered Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I can feel the slide into a funk starting about February every year. That’s when winter is just getting too long for me. I crave the sun and try to get outside whenever I can – even though the sun seems so far away that I don’t get the life-affirming warmth from it that I love in the spring, summer and fall. That’s why the trip to California in early February this year was so great! It was just what I needed at just the right time.

This time of year – when the sky is changing because the tilt of the earth is causing the sun and the moon to seem closer – I love the feeling of being out in it. I especially love the feeling of running in it. I don’t know if it’s because, after all of these years, I’ve shed a few thermal layers but I’m cold most of the time now, so I love the feeling of the sun warming me to my bones and simultaneously brightening my mental outlook.

Pay attention next time you’re out in the warm sun (slathered in sunscreen, not baby oil!). See if it doesn’t help you feel so much better – physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s all good!

Failure is Not an Option

“When you remember to love you, and take care of you first, everything else tends to fall into place.” ~ Mandy Hale

Today was the first day back on plan. Why do I feel like I’ve done this two-hundred times? Oh…because I have? Sure. Alright.

I have…because I’m not quitting. I’m not giving up on me. Depending on which statistic you read or believe 80-95 percent of dieters will gain back all of their weight (and usually more) within five years. How depressing and demoralizing.

Reasons the studies cite for these failures are that the hunger hormone ghrelin increases and makes us hungrier than we were before we lost the weight while the fullness hormone leptin decreases, so we don’t feel as full. All of the studies admit they don’t know enough about obesity yet to be prescriptive with a solution. None of them detail how they had the subjects lose weight. Most of them had the subjects lose 10 percent of their body weight. Many of them had more than half of their subjects drop out before they lost the 10 percent.

The reason I’d like to know how they lost the weight is because I think it makes a huge difference if you lose the weight while recording your food intake so you see what you feel good eating – like how much fiber, protein and carbohydrate feel right in your body. Like how much more full and satisfied you feel eating fruits and vegetables and real protein sources (cheese, chicken, fish, lean beef/pork) rather than grabbing fast food or those little boxed frozen dinners with four bites of fake food in them.

Or did they use a program like Jenny Craig where all of your meals are provided and you don’t learn to do it yourself? We have to learn how to do this right to do it for good. We have to learn what makes us feel like we want to feel. We have to learn to ask for what we need – the time to work-out, the time to plan a menu that includes healthy snacks, the support and understanding of our friends and family. And we have to learn to be a little thick-skinned and ask wait-staff for what we want in restaurants and just smile when our well-meaning friends say things like, “Don’t you think you’ll look like a bobble-head if you lose that much weight?”

One of the reasons I went with the F.A.S.T. program is they had a greater than 90 percent success rate at three years. They were only in business three years when I started with them. I don’t know any updated statistics. They provide the accountability, which I know I need, of checking in every night and weekly weigh-ins. I can call them anytime I have an implosion. They help me find my way. They also have a program to teach you how to be vigilant and maintain the weight-loss.

Thus far, I’ve lost just over 30 percent of my body weight. I’m not going back. You couldn’t drag me back to that place kicking and screaming. Despite the last 5 days, when I was not loving myself and not putting myself first, I’m still on track to get to goal October 3^rd. I’m still slated to run all the races I have planned for the season. I’m still in the game. In the words of those dudes at N.A.S.A. in the ‘60’s – “failure is not an option.” I feel like I have my very own Ground Control and success is one day closer.

Photo courtesy of: leaderswhocare.com

I Ran Like the Wind

It was a beautiful day here on Friday – 67 degrees with clear skies and no wind. It was a great day for my first outdoor run of the season. I ran like the wind (work with me here). I felt energetic and strong. I ran just over 12 minute miles for 2.5 miles. I felt great…until Saturday. Saturday and Sunday I have felt old and cramped. My quads are unrelenting in their whining and screeching each time I walk the stairs or sit in a chair.

This was not what I expected for 2.5 miles. The painful truth is: the elliptical that I’ve been working out on most of the winter, while providing a great cardio workout, is no match for pounding the pavement. It looks like the weather won’t cooperate for a nice run like that again for over a week. I have some time to recover. But, it’s time to get into racing mode.

I will do at least one race a month throughout the summer – 5K’s and 10K’s. I have moved my half-marathon plan up to August 3^rd – in St. Paul, MN. My friend Cathy, who’s apparently lost her mind, wants to do a half-marathon in every state. This will allow us to take a fun road trip AND get her one state closer to her goal. Destination race here we come!

I love the feeling of having the racing schedule done, but I’m not there yet. Summers get so busy and I don’t want any races to get in the way of vacation plans. So far I have:

April: Gambler 5K

May: Color Me Rad & Illuminite Run (on the same day!)

June: 5K, Gretna

July:

August: St. Paul Half Marathon

September:

October: Midnight Run 5K

I’m looking for 10K’s in July and September. Racing season isn’t the only reason I’m eagerly awaiting spring, summer and fall. There are so many exciting things happening with our family: we have a grandbaby coming in July, Adam is done with the Army and moves back to go to college in August, I will get to goal weight in October. Who knows what other surprises are in store for us!

Today, working out the soreness from my over-exuberance, I’m grateful for the health and strength of our patchwork family. Navigating this life with all of them makes every day an adventure and every new season exciting. Running keeps me (relatively) sane through it all. 

"Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows." ~ Forrest Gump

Face the Music

“Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.” 
~ Doug Firebaugh

I have no idea who Doug Firebaugh is but I’ve read and heard from other sources that this is good advice. Doug just happened to show up with this quote on Facebook today and remind me that I need to write something about this.

I know, intuitively, that it’s good advice because I’ve tried to change and/or improve things in my life before and suddenly it’s 10 years later and I've accomplished nothing to bring me closer to the goal I’d set so many years earlier. That’s because I’ve lost focus. I’ve made someone or something else a priority – life got in the way. By doing something every day that gets you closer to your goal, you keep your momentum working for you – you keep your eye on the prize.

Keith Ellis, in his book The Magic Lamp, goes one-step further. He says that once a week, you should write a progress report. He’s probably right. I haven’t gotten to that point yet but I’m going to do my first progress report today. I’ll probably include sections like:

• What I did daily to improve?
• What mistakes did I make?
• How can I do better? 

The thing that makes this uncomfortable and makes me scowl a little is the accountability of it. It’s a little in-your-face regarding your short-comings and I typically prefer to gloss over those and see myself and my efforts as flawless. Raise your hand if you have ever said something like, “I’m eating great food and exercising, I have no idea why I’m not losing weight.” Me too. Our brains conveniently forget about a candy bar here or there, disregard that sugary coffee, or block out that we cleaned our plate at Ruby Tuesdays. Or the exercise we’re doing is just a leisurely stroll – we’re not pushing ourselves at all. The problem with all of this is you just ignore what you’re doing wrong and keep repeating past mistakes.

I want to quit doing that now. It’s time to face the music. I’ve been doing well with losing weight for the last month – eating well and exercising. However, when I was sick this last week (there’s always SOME kind of wrench in things) I really slacked on my exercise. It’ll become a slippery slope if I let it. Luckily, it’s ridiculously beautiful outside today and I’m looking forward to the sunshine and fresh air during a run this afternoon!

Join me in my quest to improve. It doesn’t have to be weight-loss. Pick something in your life you’d like to do better – a habit you’d like to change or habit you’d like to start. Maybe think bigger than a habit - do you want to change your career, live somewhere else? Spend 10-30 minutes a day focusing on your goal and do something that will inch you a little closer to it tomorrow. Be honest with yourself. Call yourself out on your excuses. Write down a weekly progress report. We’ll be happier for the work and focus we’ve put into it all. In the words of Switchfoot, "This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"  

Photo courtesy of: Colourbox

On Limiting Collateral Damage

Even though I can’t kick a virus to save my life this winter, I’m feeling pretty good; pretty good because I’m working on my twenty-second perfect day in a row. That means I’ve completed three weeks of perfect days – perfect exercise, perfect food. The first twenty or so days of this are the hardest.

Now, when I feel like cheating, I look at the chart in the picture below and really take into account what I’d be blowing. Who’s going to blow twenty-one perfect days? Not me. When it’s only two perfect days, it’s a lot easier to talk yourself into cheating and just starting over. After all, what’s two days? But twenty-one? Forget it.

So, I’m over one-fifth of the way to my goal of one hundred perfect days. I’ve lost six pounds, so I’m ahead of my schedule to lose 1.5 pounds/week until the first week in October, when I’ll reach my goal weight.

Why can I do it now, when I’d struggled for four months to get it right? I decided. I choose to do it well. I’ve made it okay to be hungry sometimes. I was hungry last night when I went to bed. I just went to bed, knowing I had a yummy breakfast awaiting me in the morning. Now that I look back, I don’t even know if it was actual hunger. It may have just been that I was overtired.

When I’m in the throes of crazy – eating terribly and feeling worse – the recipe for doing this right, getting my mojo back, isn’t clear to me. I can talk to myself until I’m blue in the face. Nothing gets through to me. When I’m doing this right, when I DECIDE to do it right and I’ve gone this far being perfect, nothing makes more sense. If anyone can crack this mystery of the human brain (or just my brain) – please enlighten me!

Now that I’ve written this down – told you all – maybe next time I’m lost, I can come back here and read this and get back on track a little sooner. Maybe next time there won’t be a four month delay in getting back to it. I’m looking for my next screw-up (and the one after that and the one after that) to be self-limiting and short-lived…with very little collateral damage.

Running Scared (or Sick)

I've been sick more than your average bear this year. I have mostly hated it. I've done everything I could to stay well - I've been attending to my sleep, eating well, and exercising. Each time I was sick, I used Lysol to clean my door handles and surfaces and bought a new toothbrush. I wash my hands and use hand sanitizer like someone afflicted with OCD. This should not be happening to me! The one thing I can't change is that I work in a hospital around a bunch of sick people.

So, this has been a rough winter for many people. There's alot of crud (a technical term us healthcare-types use) going around. It's March, so by now we're just a bunch of walking petri dishes. Gross.

What do you do about exercise when your muscles are shriveled and weak from the onslaught of the latest virus and you just want to lie down? You should most definitely plan on going to bed early, increase your fluids, and take some cold medicine. But, before you do that - get ten minutes of some kind of exercise. If you can muster thirty, then do thirty. Make it gentle. Stretch well before you workout and just gently walk with some calm music playing. Don't push it because your muscles are prone to injury when you're sick.

Most people, myself included, want to throw in the towel when they're sick. They think they can't possibly do it and they'll just get right back to it when they're feeling good again. The problem is, that could be a week from now. You can lose alot of progress in a normal week of skipping exercise. If you skip exercise for a week of lying on the couch at every opportunity, you'll regret it when it's time to really move again. You will want to keep on with the slothfulness you've grown accustomed to and it'll be so difficult to get started again.

So, listen to your body when it tells you to lie down. Say something back like, "Yes, I will as soon as my work-out is done." Eat more citrus fruit and strawberries. Take a multivitamin (or two) and some extra vitamin C. Sleep until you can't sleep anymore. Eat some amazing soups. Drink some Chai spice tea with honey. Use Puffs with lotion so you don't get a Rudolph nose. Alter your level of exercise but don't skip it completely...it's good for what ails you.