The last month has been all about imbalance. The beginning
of summer was weighted heavy with travel – first to the farm, then to my father-in-law’s
in Florida. These trips were followed directly by a week-long conference for
work and a quick overnight trek to Kansas City. Whew! Each of these trips and
even the conference were wonderful and fun and filled with experiences I
treasure. Their close proximity caused work and home responsibilities to pile
up to an overwhelming level. I’m still not caught up. Overwhelm quickly caught
me off balance and exhaustion followed soon after.
In the midst of a busy-ness, worrying, micro-controlling,
perfectionism storm, ironically, nothing is perfect. I don’t know about you,
but when I allow overwhelm and exhaustion to run rampant, I start to get a
little anxious. I’m “busy” all the time but actually accomplish very little. It’s
been a vicious cycle this month that’s lead to overeating, inconsistent
exercise, and neglect of my priorities (including this blog).
That changed this week with a couple of experiences that
stopped me in my tracks. First, I slowed down and did a little reading. The following
excerpt is from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly:
I [historically don’t] “lean
into discomfort,” so over time I basically became a
take-the-edge-off-aholic. But they don’t have meetings for that. And
after
some brief experimenting, I learned
that describing your addiction that way
in a tradition twelve-step meeting
doesn’t always go over very well with the purists.
For me, it wasn’t just the dance halls, cold beer, and Marlboro Lights of
my
youth that got out of hand – it was banana bread, chips and queso, email,
work,
staying busy, incessant worrying,
planning, perfectionism, and anything else that
could dull those agonizing and
anxiety-fueled feelings of vulnerability.
I didn’t even give her permission to talk about me in this
book. She did get a few things wrong because the dance halls, beer and
cigarettes have never applied to me and I really prefer chocolate over any
other guilty vice. But, I use ALL of those things after the food list to dull
any feeling that gets too edgy.
The second experience was a conference call with Tony at the
FAST Diet – he has these periodically. On this call he told a story about a
successful business man who ran many companies. This man told him that his
secret to a successful, balanced life was prioritizing the things that are
important to him every day. His point was that no one can do everything...though many of us are still trying. He does things like review his schedule for the
next day and block out time for those things that are important to him – like exercise
or a dinner with his wife. Then, he does these things without fail. He doesn’t
allow other people’s priorities to hone in on his own. He makes no excuses, he
sets boundaries, he turns off his phone and does what he’s chosen to with all
of his energy.
Lastly, my daughter, who was born with this same incessant
perfectionism started to run with me this week. She is so self-critical – down-trodden
if she doesn’t perform (at anything) to her own ridiculously high expectations.
So, I took some time to read ahead in Daring Greatly to the parenting
advice for helping children live wholeheartedly. I told her about what
perfectionism is and how having goals is great but that no one is perfect and
that she is loved because she’s Allison not because of anything she does.
Period. My hope is that she’s not 45 years old and still figuring this stuff
out but that when she’s 45 years old (or 15 or 25 years old) she’ll be living all-the-way.
That she’ll leave worry and perfectionism behind, cultivate great relationships,
take the time to do what she loves and have a healthy work life that allows her
to do what really moves her – whatever that may be. I wish this for all of my children.
I wish this for me. And for you.
This is day three back on track – I feel better already. I
have a to-do list that’s still going on in my head. I’ll get that down on paper
today. Not because I want to get it all done right away – I just want it out of
my head. Our summer is already half over, so along with doing all the things
that make me physically fit, my priority is to concentrate on those things that
bring balance to my life:
- watch the
sun rise and set
- find a great
fireworks show to attend
- read
- work in my
garden
- hike
- slow down
and do nothing
- shut off my
phone if I really don't want to be interrupted
- avoid
electronics a bit
- immerse
myself in summer
- look into
the faces of my family and smile
- give love
- choose joy
- practice
gratitude
A summer sunset right outside my front door
