Happy Mother's Day!

“There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child – and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own.” ~ Robert Brault

I was a young mother. I was married, attending nursing school and twenty-one years old. I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother. I was in a hurry to get on with it and so was my then-husband who wanted children before the age of thirty. Like most first-time mothers, I had no idea what I was doing. It was on-the-job training.

My immaturity made me pretty uptight with those first two children. We had them 12 months and 7 days apart. Add my age, the last two years of nursing school, and an unstable marriage to the mix and you have a recipe for (if not disaster) chaos. That’s what the first years of their lives felt like to me and I wish, knowing what I know now, I could go back and fix it for them. But, I’m trying to move past regret and living in the past, knowing all I can fix is today and living in the comfort of the words of Maya Angelou: “When you know better, you do better.”

Remember having that first child? That expansive love was a little overwhelming. When the next child is on the way, you wonder, “How can I possibly love another as much as I love this one?” The miracle of that second child is you realize there is immeasurable, expansive love in your heart, undiminished by the number of children and/or people you welcome into your life.

I have explained to my children, when they’ve asked who I love more, that I love them differently. I’m not sure they completely understand yet. It’s not that I love any one of them less than the other. I (and every other mother) have to make adjustments for personality and temperament. While one child will be reduced to tears with a harsh tone, the other may be oblivious to the fact that you’ve even spoken. They require a different approach.

Mothering from different maturity levels has been an eye-opening experience for me. There’s so much I used to be uptight about that doesn’t actually matter at all: messy faces, spilled anything, and opinions that differ from my own. I feel less like an authoritarian and more like a vessel; more like a guide through their lives which, I now realize, are very much their own.

Mothering has expanded in me to many different people – my step-daughter, my children’s friends, and younger friends of my own. It comes so naturally to me to be a caretaker and mother. I’ve come from a long line of incredible mothers. I’ve befriended some great mothers. I’ve learned so much from all of them. I continue to learn how to mother and have found that the best teachers are my children. I listen to their needs and wants; respond by giving all I can, guiding the way, holding them up, providing a foundation and a launching pad. Many times they don’t listen, like I didn’t.

Even if they aren't listening, my hope is that my unconditional love is written on their hearts and souls and that it will be a constant for them throughout their lives. I am so grateful to pass the legacy of unconditional love on to them.

Our perfect patchwork family