Sow Seeds of Gratitude

I had my daughter later in life. I was categorized, in the words used by maternity folks, as being of “advanced maternal age” at the age of thirty-seven. Aging, or at least thinking of it as threatening or scary, had never really hit me until then. So many changes have taken place in the years since Allison’s arrival. All of those changes aren’t because of her but many of them are closely related.

Mothers of daughters are dedicated to showing them a better way. Mothers of sons are dedicated too – it’s just different. What is accepted in our sons isn't necessarily accepted in our daughters. Our society would have our daughters sit nicely, remain quiet, mind their manners. The images in their tween and teen magazines tell them how they should look and feel and create all sorts of anxiety if they don’t fit into the mold. The adventuresome spirit they’re born with is stifled by concern with how they will look kayaking, skiing, running, jumping or doing most anything. They don’t understand that doing just exactly what they choose will create their best life. They don’t understand how fulfilling and amazing their life will be because they made their own choice and then tenaciously plowed forward, undeterred.

I am fortunate that my daughter was born with not only that adventuresome spirit, but also a steadfast will, an old soul and a kind heart. Before I knew all of this about her – that’s what I wanted for her. If I was to be not only her mother but also her mentor – her example, some things in me had to change. I needed to be much closer to the person I wanted her to become. I needed to wrestle with my own fears and anxieties – have a staring contest with them and win. I have to show her that, no matter how you’re feeling on the inside, you throw those shoulders back and lift your head and look the world square in the face as if to say, “bring it.”

A side benefit (and there are so many others) has been that I’m not worried much about aging. I think aging is more difficult for people who did fit in the mold. As for me, I’m in better shape than I’ve been in over twenty years. I will continue to be strong. I will continue to show her how, just as it is for men, age is just a number. Sure, age comes with its challenges but they don’t have to be as limiting as we allow them to be and we don’t have to be critical of our bodies because of it. We have to learn to work with those changes – alter our perspective and continue to do those things we choose to do, undeterred.

Part of providing an example for her has been teaching her how to be grateful for what she has – her family, her friends, her pets, her room, her toys, and the beauty of nature. She has mentioned before (already) that her legs are bigger than a couple of her friends’ legs. We talked about being grateful that she was given strong, muscular legs. My hope is that she can carry this gratitude for the body she was gifted through those horrible-body-image years and beyond.

Even if you don’t have a daughter – it will help you to practice gratitude for the body and mind you were given too. Look how far they’ve brought you! Age in the body and mind you were gifted with grace and gratitude rather than cynicism and loathing. You will find that it will make you happier, kinder, more optimistic, and more willing to say "yes" to any experience you choose!

She fills my heart with gratitude. April 2013.