Wednesday, January 29, 2014

...but I Need My Space

Empathy is a good thing. From my work as a nurse then a nurse practitioner to being a wife to the raising of my kids– it has served me well. Issues arise – I’ve described it before as feeling like the canary in a mine, too fragile for this world – when I haven’t taken care of myself like I need to. I get overwhelmed with life in this family and in this society as a whole; again, too much of a good thing, too much empathy. .

I ran across an article recently titled, “How to Love an Empath.” Before I read that, I knew that I had exceptional intuition and overactive empathy. I just didn’t know they went together and I certainly didn’t know anyone needed strategies for how to love someone like me

Dr. Judith Orloff explains what an emotional empath is:

           Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes

to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are

less apt to intellectualize feelings. Intuition is the filter through which

they experience the world. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually

attuned, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it.

Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers.

 
The trademark of empaths is that they know where you’re coming from.

Some can do this without taking on people’s feelings. However, for better

or worse, others, like myself and many of my patients, can become angst-

sucking sponges. This often overrides the sublime capacity to absorb

positive emotions and all that is beautiful. If empaths are around peace

and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though,

often feels assaultive, exhausting. Thus, they’re particularly easy marks

for emotional vampires, whose fear or rage can ravage empaths. As a

subconscious defense, they may gain weight as a buffer.
 
How many of you can identify the emotional vampires you’ve known by name? Raise your hand! Me too! I’ve called them “joy-sucking vortexes” – same diff.

I wrote about this a little bit in Grave Injustices last year. I didn’t know what to call it then, but it showed that I’d started listening to my internal angst some and limiting things like T.V. (particularly news). But I need to do more – listen to my body, mind and soul when I need a break, some alone time to recharge and distance myself from negativity – both online and in person that can suck my energy dry.

Over the years, I have had to (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) step back, breathe and decide, “Is this my fight?” A lot of times this has been at the urging of my husband after he’s witnessed how certain things can emotionally ravage me; most of the time it’s not my fight. The practice of letting go is ongoing…

Dr. Orloff’s quiz to see if you’re an empath will be eye-opening, especially for my nurse friends:

QUIZ: AM I AN EMPATH?

Ask yourself:

·         Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?

·         If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?

·         Are my feelings easily hurt?

·         Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?

·         Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?

·         Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?

·         Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?

·         Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?

If you answer “yes” to 1-3 of these questions, you’re at least part empath. Responding “yes” to more than 3 indicates that you’ve found your emotional type.

Recognizing that you’re an empath is the first step in taking charge of your

emotions instead of constantly drowning in them. Staying on top of empathy will

improve your self-care and relationships.
 
It may be a little uncomfortable to admit but it’s also a step in the right direction – discovering what to name these feelings and knowing you’re not broken because you react this way. Knowing, as Dr. Orloff says, “No.” is a one word sentence – use it when you need to. You don’t need permission from anyone to do what you need to live comfortably in your own skin. You don’t even have to explain, except to those people who love you and they will understand and embrace you after you’ve had time to rejuvenate with some silence and solitude.

 
My favorite meditation focus - solitude.

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