On Silence and Solitude

“Solitude matters, and for some people, it's the air they breathe.” - Susan Cain

I like to be at home. I thoroughly enjoy the time I spend with friends and family – it fills me up in an entirely different way. I need that, too. But, when I’ve had too many days in a row around people, I crave silence and solitude. I’m no hermit, but I’m not one to seek out places to go much. Silence and solitude rejuvenate me like nothing else can. It gives me perspective when I think everything is going so terribly wrong or I’m just a little off balance. At home - spring, summer and fall – I can’t wait to get my hands in the dirt of my gardens. When I go on vacation, I like to be gone no longer than 4 or 5 days. After that, I get a little antsy for want of home. Maybe it’s because of the chaos in the place I’ve chosen to work. Maybe it’s because I’ve raised two boys who constantly had the entire neighborhood at our house – I need a Calgon moment! Maybe it’s just how I’m built. My Dad is very much the same way.

In contrast, my sister Kristi has something scheduled almost every day of the week. She’s been that way ever since I can remember – the center of a whirlwind of activity – loving every minute of it. She and her family are always on the run. They are social butterflies who know almost everyone in their neighborhood and have parties or nights out with them regularly. They have kids in sports with out-of-town tournaments that fill entire week-ends. She goes on overnight, intense scrap booking week-ends with a bunch of friends at a lake cabin. She travels for work and as part of her duties as volunteer president of Emergency Management for the state of Minnesota. She (and now her daughter) love to shop when they do find a spare moment.

In stark contrast, my friend Sheri’s greatest dream is to travel the world untethered. She also travels (a lot) for work. She’s got some gypsy in her blood. She asks me things like, “Do you want to hike hundreds of miles across Europe and stay in hostels?” (Camino de Santiago trail) Initially, when she would come up with these questions – my first thought would be, “She’s gone stark-raving mad!” The fact is, she’s gone through a dramatic transformation based on a healthy diet, running, and the philosophy that we have this one life to live, as well. We’re both in our 40’s but she’s in such a different stage of her life than me with all of her children grown. Her adventuresome spirit can fly a little more than mine. Not that mine would fly that much or that far. She would work for National Geographic. She would go to the remote corners of the earth with all the inconveniences therein (she was just in Belize) and be happier than if she were in her office or at home.

I have spent a good part of my life wishing I was more like these two – more adventuresome and exciting – more social. Now, I’m just okay settling into who I am. I will still live vicariously through these two, participate in some of their adventures, and have some of my own. If you’re looking for me in my time off, though, you can probably find me at home enjoying my solitude.